"Your doing what?"

November 15th, 2003: GPS #5 - Bonus Race 
The 9th Annual Sneaker Streaker 5K
Lutz, Florida

I had the application for theI Nifty Fifty 30K bonus race with no enthusiasm to run it.

Running two marathons in a week can have that effect on you.

So it came down to how I could get down to the Paradise Lakes Resort in Lutz (pronounced lootz) to run a nude bonus race.  I surfed the web and found a great deal on airfare: $280.00 for round trip direct to Orlando (in hindsight I should have flown into Tampa or St. Petersburg).

I refuse to fly to a destination using connecting flights.  Too many bad experiences. The cheaper airfare might be tempting but don't do it.  Rental car: Thrifty car rental at $23.00 a day. Stay at the resort for $69.00 (runners special) one night and the same rate at the Orlando Sheraton Saturday night. $200.00 pocket money. $664 for a weekend adventure. I flew down Friday afternoon, Ran the race Saturday, and in my house by 10:30am Sunday morning.  Total time in Florida: less than 36 hours.  What a hoot  - er.

Everything went flawlessly except for the race itself.

What to pack wasn't a problem: shorts, GPS #4 shirt, socks, towel. I wore jeans, Hockomock summer series tank top, running shell and socks and my Asics GT2080's.

Thats it. I stuffed everything into this tiny Disney kids backpack complete with Mickey Mouse logo we somehow acquired. Laurel dropped me off at the Wollaston T stop of the Red Line just as the train came in. Switch to the Orange line just as the train came in there, one stop to the Blue line as the train came in there, to the bus at the airport as the bus came in there.  I made it to the C terminal in 35 minutes from Milton! 

The morning paper had a story about long security lines but there were none so I was sipping beers waiting an hour and a half for my flight at 3pm.  I made it to Orlando at 6:10 caught the terminal shuttle as it was leaving, went out the door to look for the Thrifty shuttle bus just as it was driving by. I was in my rental car on the Bee Line (route 528) by 6:30! One exit west to my favorite Seven Eleven (I've done this many times before) buy a cooler, a bag of ice, cork screw, a bag of the ubiquitous red 16 ounce plastic cups, beef jerky and a bottle of Kendall Jackson Merlot.

I was heading west on I-4 drinking chilled twelve dollar Merlot listening to NPR news at 7pm! Great public radio stations in Florida.  I get to the resort, they have every thing, Bar, restaurant, hotel, RV park, mobile homes, campsites, condos, timeshare and check in a little after 9pm to find the place packed with...you guessed it, nude people!

I make it to my room side stepping around several beautiful pools by the TIKI Bar.

Its cool, in the low seventies and the nude party was in full swing, A DJ spinning the tunes and me deciding what to wear!

What the heck, I strip down and head out, take five steps past my door, panic and dash back in like a little kid.

No way, can't do it.

Put my running shorts and GPS #4 shirt and head for the bar. I wade through the crowded dance floor and take position in the back of the rectangular bar with a few locals.

I give the cute bartender Andrea thirty bucks and ask for MORE WINE! She blushes (really) and we're pals the rest of the night. 

At midnight there was a naughty nighty contest with one of the local talent winning a hundred bucks. 

I guess I haven't been to a bar lately, these people drank like fish!  Three bartenders going full out all night to keep 150 naked and nearly naked partiers in the mood.

The money, the booze!

After the naughty nighty contest with the buck naked dancing, jiggling, bumping, rubbing and grinding getting kicked up a notch, I stumbled off to bed and passed out.

Morning came way too early.

I wake up...naked, stagger out the door a few steps into the brilliant sunshine to a waiting hot tub and settle in. It was nice until this hairless, I mean hairless, old, I mean old, naked fat man joined me...eeeewww. I bid my adieu, dried off and GOT DRESSED to find breakfast.

I was thinking of nothing but coffee, lots of coffee.

I walk into the dinning room overlooking the pools to find the most sumptuous buffet breakfast with all the trimmings, crisp white linens, fresh cut flowers, It smelled great.

I grab a warm plate and wade in. It wasn't until the third mouth watering Maine blueberry pancake smothered in soft lightly salted butter and hot real Canadian maple syrup after the thick meaty strips of bacon, juicy cubes of cold cantaloupe, pulpy fresh Florida orange juice, strong French roast coffee and moist peppery firm scrambled eggs did I realize I had a nude race in two hours! I snap out of my reverie and realize this won't be a personal best day.

But hey! I'm in Florida, it's a beautiful day and I'm surrounded by naked people!

I go out to find the start of the race, pick up my shirt and goody bag, and head back to the car. The moment of truth.

I take off my shorts and shirt, lock the car and there I am in all my glory, 'cept nobody seems to notice.

I figure I've got time to kill so I jog the course.

Its warming up fast already in the 80's on this cloudless Saturday morning.

The runners start to congregate, everyone in high spirits, many of the 120+ folks are repeats to this twice a year run, spring and fall.  A good mix of healthy males and females.

No tan lines, 'cept me.

At the appointed time we line up for the start. A few words by the organizer and we're off.

Perhaps with too much adrenaline I'm in with the top five, one is a petit blond firecracker of a women mixed in with your standard tall lanky type guys and making easy work of this table flat two looper through the complex.

At the first mile mark I'm 6:33 and maintaining my place as we weave through the condo's, trailers, RV park around past the Hotel-Restaurant complex.  I pass the start and into mile two I heat up: 7:09 and one guy passes me, I dig in, spit flying every which way, stay even and...fade, a few more guys pass and I muster everything I've got in front of the cheering crowd at the finish.  22:35 (7:19s) by my watch.  Sweating profusely I do a short cool down and the sun is blistering hot.

I cruise over to the car and GET DRESSED.

Not pleased with the race but hey! I'm in Florida!

Lets Drink! 

My cooler still has the remains of the wine still on ice and I fill the 16oz. cup.  I make my way back to the pool/barbeque/awards to see that woman first place finisher. 

She's there in the pool, au natural, and I go over to congratulate her, with a jibe and an easy smile she says

"what happened to you?"

We chat it up as we make our way over to the food.  I find out she's a 2:53 marathoner from Daytona Beach here for some fun...

Awards are handed out and my cup is empty so I say farewell to the place, make my to the closest wine merchant for a refill and make my way north to visit my step father.  After a fine dinner and some gift shopping, I'm headed on the back roads to the Orlando Sheraton. 

I need to drop off the car and I realize I've got to clean it out so I pull into the rental yard and park as far as you can get from the check in line. Can't take the cooler with me or cork screw, cups or half a bottle of Merlot so I set it all aside.  At this point one of the employees sees me back there are walks up.  I tell him about the cooler and all. He says he beer drinker but I convince him to finish the bottle with me.  So I leave him drinking wine in the yard on this gorgeous warm Florida night and walk back to hotel with a stop at the local Hooters.  The girls there we're real interested in my souvenir race shirt. [race results]

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